La moutarde me monte au nez

In 1952, the very American-sounding French brand Frank’s Mister Mustard took out an unassuming ad in the pages of The New Yorker. “Try It Free!” the copy read. “Write name, address of your grocer; your name, address. We will send you a generous trial jar.”

Years later, Will Smith starred in the blockbuster Men in Black, in which a giant alien cockroach threatens humanity. Late in the movie, Smith’s character crushes a number of regular-size roaches with his boot. Even when insects are involved, American Humane has strong feelings about such things, so the actor actually stomped packets of mustard to mimic that familiar squish sound. “At the moment,” the movie director Barry Sonnenfeld explained back then, “there’s no mustard-defamation league.”

Sadly, the days of mail-order complimentary condiments are...