For All to Hear

Near the beginning of the end of Seinfeld, a two-part finale that laid bare all the self-absorbed preoccupations and anti-social behaviours of the four main characters, Elaine pulls a phone out of her purse to call her friend Jill, whose father is in the hospital. “What?” Elaine says on the sidewalk. “Ugh, I can’t hear you so good. There’s a lot of static.” She promises to call Jill back and hangs up. “Faux pas,” Jerry says to Elaine about her phone etiquette. “It’s like saying I don’t want to take up any of my important time in my home, so I’ll just get it out of the way on the street.” George piles on: “The street cellphone call is the lowest phone call you can make.”

Between them, Jerry and George accuse Elaine of being “selfish,” “dismissive,” and “pompous” before she finally walks away. I can only imagine what they would have said to her had she been trying to reach Jill on speakerphone.

That final episode aired on May 14, 1998, just three...