A Millennium of Manners

The review of my book, Civility: A Cultural History, might have been a little more informative had the reviewer described all the contents and purposes of this multidisciplinary work. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the time and interest invested.

Let me attempt to describe the complete work here while also responding to some of the concerns of the reviewer. This work seeks to present some “plausible explanations” without insisting that they are the only ones possible. The citations (over 825 sources, of which more than 500 are of primary na-ture) are there to show the reader how the topic unfolded for this particular student of culture, while guiding the reader to some good reads. It is hardly a stereotypical sociological work—certainly, anyone providing some insight into the many facets of this complex topic has been invited along for the journey: historians, political thinkers, troubadours, etiquette writers, conduct writers, novelists and poets, philosophers, knights, kings and queens and tyrants, cross-cultural experts, psychologists, anthropologists, sociologists.

The chapters of this work cover many dimensions, none more (or less) important than the others. The work studies civility in France, England and the United States, drawing on various perspectives. It draws on cultural history to help reveal how previous cultural developments continue to affect the civility standards and emotional temperaments of a given nation. It includes numerous reviews of seminal conduct books that influenced notions of ideal manners, etiquette, politeness and civility, as well as some influential developments in Medieval and Renaissance times that escaped the notice of Norbert Elias. It also draws on personal and social psychology, through a discussion of hurt, anger, embarrassment and shame and their critical role in civility and incivility. One chapter contains material not mentioned in full in the review that is the missing link in a humanities discipline obsessed with group discord but mindless of individual sentiments; it thus provides the most comprehensive discussion to date of the “anatomy” of human interaction and civilities/incivilities. It also draws on cross-cultural factors, namely why and how different cultures have different conceptions of politeness and why some fa-vour distancing and others not. Interestingly, it offers some plausible explanations for why anglophone and francophone cultures have had so much trou-ble dealing with one another. The final, 50-page chapter includes some insights gleaned while spending time in the three countries in a non-intrusive and (I would hope) ethical way; it also includes fascinating insights from other cross-cultural writers.

Most assuredly, Civility: A Cultural History is not a book about morality. Let us leave morality aside; cultural “mores” have so often been used to torture and ruin innocent people. The book does, however, suggest without embarrassment that authentic civility would go beyond politeness and include empathy, thereby linking it to ethical standards, an idea shared by many classical and contemporary writers. By this I mean a simple “cause as little harm as possible” approach to the other. The reviewer defines this principle as morality; I define it as a civility of a slightly higher order than non-abrasive interaction.

In the end, the nature and worth of the book will be determined by its readers. Meanwhile, some additional opinions regarding the book and an elec-tronic file of its 20-page introduction (explaining content, purpose and journey plan) can be found at www.bdavetian.com.